Carry Your World (HashiMada)
by TheFemaleReviewer
Summary: Have you ever wished you could live in your dreams? Madara and Hashirama certainly have. Run deeper into the boys' childhood relationship discovering how Hashirama got his necklace and the truth about Madara's family, using Madara as your tour guide. But Beware: Sometimes your tour guide can be rather...misleading. HashiMada


Carry Your World

Story Inspired by: Atlas by Coldplay (Hunger Games: Catching Fire Soundtrack)

My dark clothes billowed around me, spreading out in my field of view. A necklace with a bright blue crystal attached waved directly above my eyes. The pressure engulfed me, pressing me down. Then, a person whipped across my line of sight. I extended my arms.

_Take me._

He paused above me, smiling and gripping my hands.

_Carry me._

I was pulled upward. The water, which had been still around me as I floated in the blue-black nothingness, pressed past my body. I burst through the surface, sucking in that first breath of air.

"Madara."

I looked to the left to see Izuna standing by my cot, shaking me. The sound of clinking metal and screaming voices were loud in the air. And also a stench of smoke.

"What?" I asked, rolling over to face him.

"You were talking in your sleep."

I looked down at the grass surrounding me. My hair was matted to my neck and forehead. I could feel a trickle of sweat making its way down my back. It was dark.

_What am I doing? What..._

"No, I wasn't..." I mumbled.

"I'm not deaf." He protested. "I was sitting right here."

"I wasn't saying anything, Izu." I insisted.

He raised his arms in surrender and backed away.

"Whatever..." he said, turning around.

I rolled over, curling up and facing the wall. I heard him muttering to himself behind me.

"You're the one who's supposed to be on lookout anyway."

_Oh... Right... Izuna and I are on lookout for the platoon squads. Taking turns keeping watch while everyone sleeps... The squad leader's duty..._

"No, I'm not." I responded. "It's your turn."

Another round of clinking swords went off in the distance.

"Madara, what's your problem?" a voice asked.

"I just told you, it's your turn, Izuna. Now, shut up and stop back talking me!" I shouted.

My clothes were damp and soggy on me. Grass brushed against my back and chest.

"Were you trying to drown yourself or something?" the same voice asked.

I blinked once...twice...

"Hashirama?"

He sat there staring at me.

"You were under water for a long time." He said, then he smirked. "I know I didn't push you that hard."

"I was just resting."

"Under water?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, bringing my legs up into my chest and resting my arms on my knees. An explosion sounded in the distance, then another, and another. We both looked up to see a small cloud of smoke rising above the trees across the river.

"Your...home isn't in that direction, is it?" He asked me.

I shook my head. I glanced at him as he watched the billowing smoke with wide eyes. He bit his lip.

"The war is getting closer..." he said. "Soon, we'll all have to move from here."

The explosions, most likely from a line of paper bombs, sounded again. Often, paper bombs were planted in the ground or on posts around a clan's home location so that if there was ever an intruder, the bombs would serve as an offense and a defense, simultaneously eradicating all enemies and alerting the camp.

_That's not my camp... But it's too close for comfort._

Hashirama nudged me.

"Don't look so down about it." He said, then he winked at me. "I thought we were going to spar."

"We were until you threw me off that ridge up there!" I reminded him, crossing my arms and turning away.

Suddenly, he dove onto me, whipping out a kunai knife and pinning me to the dirt.

"I'll ask you again." He told me. "Are we sparring or not?"

His eyes shinned light brown in the dim orange and pink sky playfully.

"We are!"

I grabbed his wrist as he bore down on me and then it was just a test of strength. He continued pressing down, aiming at my neck and I grabbed his wrist pushing upwards.

"You're gonna get tired." He predicted.

_You're right..._

I strained hard, looking for a way to break out from underneath him. He leaned on me, bringing the knife closer to my neck. I glanced down at his stance and smirked.

_You're positioning is..._

I kicked out to the right, knocking his left leg and forcing him off balance.

_Wrong!_

He dropped the knife in an attempt to reestablish himself but by that time, I'd grabbed it and gotten to my feet. He got to his feet, nodding at me, seemingly impressed.

"Nice one."

"You need to work on your defensive stance." I informed him.

He scratched his head sheepishly.

"Yeah, you're right. But your offense sucks." He pointed out.

I rolled my eyes.

"Wanna bet?"

I rushed in at him, diving with the knife. He ducked quickly and swung his leg around which I hopped up and dodged. I stretched forward, attempting to bring his knife down on him but he jumped backwards, back flipping away from me.

We jumped, punched and dodged across the riverbank nearing the overhang of the rocky ridge. I tossed the knife up about twenty feet into the air. His eyes drifted upward like I predicted and I used that moment to quickly weave the signs for a fire ball jutsu. He was completely off guard as it whooshed in front of him.

The fire ball burned hotly and then slowly dispersed leaving nothing in its wake. I stood with my back against the overhang, cocking my head.

"...Hashi?"

Nothing but the sounds of chirping birds and the rushing waves.

My heart began beating quickly.

"H-Hashirama?!" I called.

_Did I... Did I really...?_

Suddenly, a long vine wrapped itself around one of my legs and another wrapped itself around my arm.

A roar of laughter broke out as Hashirama ran from behind a couple of bushes to face me.

"Boo!" he exclaimed.

I stared at him as he continued laughing.

"That was priceless! You should've seen the look on your face!"

He mimicked me, sticking his bottom lip out and widening his eyes.

"Hashi? Hashi, where are you?" he said in a high pitched exaggerated voice.

"Shut-up!" I exclaimed. "You're such an ass!"

"Come on, it was hilarious! You _know_ it was! You looked like you were about to cry!"

"That wasn't funny!" I shouted, struggling with the jutsu. "Now, get these stupid vines off me!"

He sighed, ducking his head.

"You're right... It wasn't funny. I'm sorry..." he said.

I used my free hand, the one with the kunai knife in it, to quickly wipe the budding tears from my eyes as he walked up.

"I'm not falling for your stupid depressed act." I informed him. "And anyway, when did you learn to manipulate two tree roots instead of one?"

He shrugged.

"I've been working on it. Just now is the first time I've done it successfully." He said as he removed the first root from my ankle.

"And what technique did you use to get out of the way of that blast?" I asked. "I could've sworn I saw it burn you!"

"Pretty awesome, huh?" he replied, raising his eyebrows. "It's called the Shadow Clone Jutsu. The me you were talking to the whole time was just a clone. I've really been in those bushes the whole time."

My eyebrows popped up incredulously.

"How the hell did you create a jutsu like that?!" I exclaimed.

"I didn't." he said as he pulled the branch off my wrist. "My brother created it. It's actually not complete. It takes up a crap load of chakra. As you can see, it only lasts full form for about five minutes. And that clone was imperfect. If you were a _real_ friend, you would have noticed my hair was darker and my eyes were lighter than normal."

I looked away from him.

_I did notice your eyes but I thought it was just the sun... Sometimes, your eyes do that when it's bright outside..._

"As if I'd notice something insignificant like that." I mumbled. "But anyway, you have to teach me."

He pretended to sigh exaggeratedly but then nodded eagerly.

"I was going to. I think we can perfect it where my little brother left off."

He paused, removing the final root from around my neck. His eyes paused on the necklace lying on my chest.

"When did you get this?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Almost a year ago. I just now started to wear it."

He blinked for a while, saying nothing. Then he reached up and grasped the crystal blue piece.

"I like this." He said quietly.

A couple more explosions sounded around us. The last bit of orange and dark, warm pink was fading from the sky behind us. His eyes drifted upward from the crystal to my eyes. Then, very abruptly, he leaned into me. My eyes widened as I felt his lips touch mine.

_Hashi..._

It was like a paper bomb had lit off inside me, my entire world was suddenly focused on him, and that moment, and that feeling.

_What are you...?_

His hand slid onto my neck keeping me pressed against him. I slowly regained my balance, leaning back against the overhang wall for support. Slowly, my eyes eased closed.

_This feels...good._

I kissed him back, moving my lips against his and enjoying the feeling of his hand caressing my bare chest. That hand then moved down onto my arm, and slowly closed around my hand.

And then, just as abruptly as before, he pulled away.

I blinked, feeling completely dazed.

"...W-Wha-" I stammered.

He grinned at me. I blinked again.

"What did you do that for?" I managed to ask.

He lifted his right hand, brandishing his kunai knife which he had taken from me in my daze.

"It was just a distraction!" he declared. "You completely zoned out."

I blushed, embarrassed by the implications of "zoning out".

"I win." He said, flicking the knife around his forefinger.

"You cheated... _Again_!" I yelled.

I darted for him and he danced away, spiriting up the river bank.

"You're such a cheater, Hashirama!" I shouted.

"You lose, Mada!" he yelled, turning and looking at me.

Someone was shaking me roughly.

"Madara!"

"I didn't lose..." I mumbled.

I lifted my head. I looked down at the brown, wooden table I had been lying my head down upon. A dim light above me illuminated a plate of dinner before me. It was cold.

"Who's losing?" a voice asked.

Izuna sat next to me, looking rather confused. I looked up and noticed my mother, a slim, stern looking woman with long, wavy dark brown hair that reached her waist line, very pale but young looking skin, round, pink lips, and bright, beaming blue eyes.

_What's happening? ...Where am I?_

She stared at me and crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair.

"I told you not to go on that long term mission." She said. "You're only a boy after all..."

"I'm not a boy." I told her, rubbing my temples. "I thought we established this."

_Why do my eyes keep hurting like this?_

"Perhaps we did at one point, but here you are, so weak you can't even eat dinner with your own family."

_I was with Hashirama... But now I'm..._

I stared at the bowl of food in front of me, unable to stop my eyes from traveling to the empty seat next to my mother. Izuna's eyes went there too and then he bowed his head.

"Mother, may I be excused?" he asked.

She nodded, allowing him to quickly slip out of his chair and run to our bedroom down the hall where he promptly shut the door.

_I can't keep going on like this... Whatever this is, it's maddening. It's..._

"You're a disgrace." My mother informed me. "That's the reason he left, he's embarrassed to call you his elder brother."

I didn't reply.

_I have to control my mind. I can't let this keep happening._

She leaned forward in her chair, eyes piercing into mine.

"I told you, didn't I?" she asked. "I told you... You're going to end up killing Izuna."

"Stop." I said.

"You're going to kill him." She insisted.

"I wasn't the one who assigned him to my platoon, Mother." I responded. "That was Father's decision."

"And now he's gone." She said, nodding at me. "Right? Now, he's dead. And _you're_ the eldest. You make the decisions for the entire clan now."

"I know that." I said.

"And yet, you're the same person sleeping at the dinner table. How do I know you're not out there sleeping on missions, too?"

I clutched the cup next to my bowl and said nothing.

_Have I been sleeping on missions? _

"And all of your decisions...all of them...all of them... They're going kill him. My baby... My baby boy, you're going to take him from me."

I looked up at her fiercely.

"I'm going to protect him with my life!" I shouted. "Izu's just as important to me as he is to you!"

"If he were important to you, you wouldn't take him on those missions!" she shouted.

She stood up, rising tall over me.

"You're tired, Madara! So, how do you think _he _feels?! He sees you coming home barely standing and falling straight into bed and how do you think he feels!? He's tired, too! He's only working so hard and doing all of these things to impress you!"

"He's old now, Mother." I said steadily. "We both are. Stop talking to me like I'm eleven damn years old again. My word supersedes yours. And I say, he's a ninja just like every other prepubescent boy putting their lives on the line out there. We're not showing favoritism in this clan! We're men. Deal with it!"

During my yelling, I had stood up. We faced each other and for the first time I realized at some point, I had grown to be taller than her. Almost by a full three inches.

She stared me down, regardless of my height.

"Don't pretend like we don't know where all this 'fatigue' is coming from..." she said. "You were never exhausted like you are now before your father died."

"That has nothing to do with me."

"Just admit it." She said. "You're a sixteen year old _boy_. Not a man. You can't protect Izuna. You can't even protect yourself at this point."

_I can do it. I can carry this entire clan on my back. I can do what I need to. I'm my father's son. I can do it._

She walked around me and headed toward her bedroom, largely silent since the death of my father.

"You'll kill him... And if you do..." she said as she walked. "If you let him die, Madara... It'll be on your head."

She turned to me, blue eyes fierce and angry.

"It will be on _your_ head." She said, through gritted teeth.

I listened to her footsteps move and fade away. My heart pounded in my chest from the anger pulsing through my veins. That pain was heavy, not to mention the inexplicable pulsating pain I was already experiencing in my head. My eyes traveled up to a portrait we kept on the wall over the eating area. A portrait of the entire family. My two elder brothers Taiga and Tsubasa who had died when I was only six years old. They both had brown hair like my mother's but it was a lighter shade of brown. And also, my younger brother Itsuya who, unlike any of us, had inherited my mother's large, innocent baby blue eyes. He perished when he was only seven. And now, my father. A man who, somehow, I'd never thought would die... Now, he too was gone.

_All I've got left is Izuna... I know that. I will protect him. I will._

But as I watched the portrait, my vision got blurry. I touched my bare chest.

Father had died protecting me. It was supposed to be a quick mission. Just over the line to the nearby town to collect taxes and food in exchange for not harming their neutral territory during our disputes. Normally, a lack luster mission like that was given to boys or girls who had not yet come of age. Come of age, meaning had not yet unlocked their Sharingan. I had come of age when I was twelve and Izuna, having witnessed one of his friends beaten to death by a group of Senju's when he was eleven, had also unlocked his Sharingan a year earlier. Father was mainly taking Izuna for kicks. It was a listless day. There was nothing better to do, so why not?

"I have to show you how to act around these town people. They see you're small. They'll try and pull something with you."

Izuna nodded, excited to be hanging out with Father even if it was for a boring excursion. I tagged along for no reason more than distaste for remaining in the house with my mother who had been asking me the same question for more than four years and I was tired of hearing it.

"What happened to the necklace I gave you?" she kept asking me.

_I'm never going to tell you._

It wasn't until we got to the village, saw the abandoned, barren paths and the grotesque smell of rotting, burning, flesh in the air that we got on guard.

We heard the howls first.

I grabbed Izuna's hand, bringing him close to me.

The howls sounded again.

"Madara... What is that?" he whispered.

I had encountered them once before so I knew.

"It's that clan." I said. "The cursed clan."

My father nodded in agreement.

"Looks like they've already sucked this place dry." He said. "Those vermin."

We turned, running, heading back.

"Everyone knows never to face that clan head on." Father told us. "It's far too dangerous."

Izuna nodded. We ducked and ran through the forests and trees but the howls remained all around us. It wasn't until we were deep inside, surrounded on all sides by the dark green and blackness of the forest that I realized it.

"They're following us."

My father looked at me.

"You sure?"

But my voice caught in my throat. There was something moving. Something next to Izuna. I bounded off the tree to my right and knocked into him, tackling him out of the air and onto the ground. The thing made a loud, cacophonous cheer as it missed us and leapt onto the trees above.

"Kill!" it exclaimed. "Kill!"

I hit the ground hard, skidding a couple of feet but never letting go of him.

"You okay?!" I asked.

"It got me!" Izuna screeched.

I turned him over. He had a long gash across his back, right through his Uchiha symbol.

_That clan... The cursed clan... Full of these monster-like ninja who turn into beasts at random times and wreak havoc among the region._

The howls sounded again.

"Kill!" They roared.

_There is no known way to stop them. They're insane._

I lifted Izuna up and immediately unlocked my Sharingan.

"There's five of them." I said, quickly scouting the area. "Father, do you hear me?!"

But instead of a response, I heard the clashing of metal. I turned to see father knocking one away, then another one.

"Go!" he shouted. "I can defend myself."

_No, you can't... Not against these... Monsters... Monsters who will go on a rampage one night and not even remember the people they've killed the next morning._

The beasts with gray, enlarged, scaly skin roared and knocked against him but he defended himself fittingly.

"Go!" he said again. "That's an order!"

I nodded at Izuna and we jumped to a higher branch.

"One of us should stay with father." Izuna said, activating his Sharingan and looking around.

"If you think that's going to be you, you're out of your mind." I told him. "There are only five of them. I see no other chakra disturbances ahead. You go."

He stared at me, gauging me as I jumped back to Father.

"I'm serious!" I shouted to him.

Father was surprised to see me heading back but I tried my best not to disappoint him. His attacks showed me how to defeat them. They were apt to turn back into their regular human forms once they were damaged too much. I pressed my back against my Father's and we did simultaneous fire ball jutsu's. We sprayed the fire around, catching it on the leaves, the tree bark, the enemies...

They fell out of the trees, writhing in pain on of the forest floor. Burning.

"I think that's the last of them." My father said, turning to me.

"Did you count?" I asked.

He nodded.

"That was really good, son." He said, nodding at me. "Pretty soon, you'll be taking this entire clan off my hands."

I looked at the ground, feeling timid. My father praised me less than my Mother did, and that was saying a lot.

"Otou-san..."

"Seriously." He said, giving me a slight smile. "I mean, you still need quite a bit of work but I've never seen a boy with a brighter future. Taking down four of those like that. That's incredible."

_...Really?_

I looked up at him, about to say something tough, manly, anything to stop the flow of emotion but something else stopped me in my tracks.

_Four?!_

"Otou-san, didn't you count five?" I asked.

But he wasn't looking at me, his eyes were locked on something behind me. I whirled around, coming face to face with one of them. The thing had flaring bright orange hair, a dark gray crusted body and an abnormally large arm, with sharp projections sticking out. It bounded, cocking its arm back and flying toward me.

_Its arm. It's like a grater. If I get caught with that, my skin will come flying off like a ripped tomato. _

I lifted my arms to block and then, before anything else could happen, my father slid before me.

His arms were outstretched and, in just a second, they collided hard. The thing's arm clashed with his chest, ripping him to the ground almost fifteen feet below. Then, hungrily, it looked at me. I wasn't moving, wasn't thinking. Nothing came to mind. But as it started for me, my self-preservation reserved kicked on. Something like a blast of cool air shot through my brain, my eyebrows rose high and my field of vision got clearer and wider than it had ever been in my life. Almost like it had shot down from the heavens, a blast wave of midnight black flames burst out of nowhere, engulfing it.

The effect was immediate. The thing shrunk. Reverting back to something with humanly form. It turned out to be a girl around Izuna's age with flowing orange hair and red eyes. Without a second to spare, she collapsed, writhing in pain. The black flames melted her skin and hair and face almost clean off. I watched a skeleton appear before my eyes, still trying to move, trying to live but broke into pieces, falling backwards of the branch and down to the orange and red fire blaze below.

I didn't even think of what had just happened. It didn't register to me at all. I had no time to sympathize with the dead. I jumped down from the branch and found my father who was leaning up against a tree base, unmoving.

My sixteen year old body couldn't comprehend the sight in front of me despite all the deaths I had seen in my life. That one was surreal. That one was like a dream.

He lay there choking and shaking. The beast had knocked his chest...which was missing. The skin, most of his intestines and vessels and blood, was splattered everywhere. He choked.

"Father..."

And he wheezed.

"...Father?"

And I watched him stare at me.

"Madara..."

_I heard of people giving last words to their loved ones before they passed on._

He wheezed again, opening his mouth and closing it. His lips quivered and blood spurt from the veins in his chest trying to circulate but finding the heart leaning half out of his torso. I closed my eyes, turning away from him, forcing the sight out of my eyes... The sight of the wetness collecting below his eyelids.

_But it's just a lie. People died like frightened cattle. Crying and shaking in their own misery. They had nothing to say to the living. Only pleas of pain and agony for the dead._

"Izu..."

His eyes were no longer on me. I turned, seeing my younger brother walk up behind me, eyes wide with the flames surrounding us. He squatted, taking my father's hand and gripping his own hair, he bent over and cried. It was an animal cry. A cry of rage. A cry of anger. Not a cry of tears or sorrow.

_Izu..._

He balled his fists and continued shouting, screaming, yelling. My father stared at him. I watched as a single tear fell from his eye...and then the eyes went blank and his shredded torso stopped sputtering and his heart, still hanging, went still.

"Calm down, Izuna..." I said tonelessly.

I couldn't even believe I was speaking but somehow, somewhere deep inside of me I knew I needed to be strong. Izuna's head snapped toward me. His expression shocked me, frightening me to my core. It was that of pure...hatred. His eyes seemed to have a strange pattern momentarily but then he blinked and it was gone. And as it left, his body relaxed and he shook his head, becoming innocent and defenseless looking again.

_What the hell..._

"Are you alright?" I asked him.

He nodded slowly, eyes set on the grass.

"Carry his upper body." I ordered. "And I'll carry the legs."

Izuna said nothing. He simply did what he was told. We picked up the body, then. We carried it... We carried it... All the way back home. All the way, we carried...

"Carrying it is the hard part." A voice said.

I glanced at Hashirama who was kicking his legs back and forth. He smiled at me.

"Carrying on the legacy of the great Hashirama and Madara. Peacemakers who created the very first united village!"

"If you're too weak, I'll carry the title alone." I said.

He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, right. More like, _I'll_ carry it for _you_." He said. "I already carry everything else for you."

I looked on. The sun was bright in the sky over us. We sat on top of the overhang looking down at the river below us. Large white flowers were growing around us. I picked one and twirled it in my hand.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like all your prepubescent bullshit." He said, snickering.

"Whatever." I said. "We're both twelve."

"Wrong." He pointed out. "I turn thirteen today."

My eyes widened.

_I just turned twelve like four months ago and now you're already thirteen? Unfair..._

"You didn't mention that." I said.

He shrugged.

"I celebrated it at home, so, it's nothing." He said.

We were silent for a while. I looked over at him, observing him.

_He's still the same height as me, and probably about the same weight, too. He doesn't seem any older._

A butterfly landed on his pants. He smiled down at it, lifting it onto his finger and extending his arm outwards.

"Fly." He said. "Be free..."

_And he's so innocent-like..._

At that time, I involuntarily reminded myself of the kiss he'd given me before. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it. More than anything, it was surreal. Like a dream. Like it was all in my imagination. And he never mentioned it again, so why did I care? And why was I thinking about it so much?

He looked down again, dark brown hair looking almost reddish in the sunlight as he watched the butterfly lift off and leave.

_Am I thinking about it because...I want it to happen again?_

"Hey, it's in your hair now!"

_Yeah...maybe I do..._

He got to his knees, crawling over to me.

_Maybe I want him to hold me..._

"This little guy just can't catch a hint." He said.

_And I want him to touch me..._

I felt my blood pressure rising as he got closer.

_And...I want him to...kiss me._

He put a hand in my hair, trying to remove it, causing my cheeks to flush.

_But...isn't it wrong to want that?_

The butterfly flapped out of his reach and, by some strange stroke of luck I'll never understand, it landed in the center of my pants.

He immediately reached down. I shifted as his finger slid across my thigh trying to attract the butterfly's attention.

_No... I can't want that._

"Uhhh..."

He looked up at me.

"T-Too close." I stammered.

"Just hold on a second." He went on.

Just below the area the butterfly was sitting on and where his fingers were sliding toward, something in my pants was nudging forward. I squeezed my eyes shut.

_He's going to touch..._

Suddenly, the butterfly lifted off and out of reach. He pressed his hand down on my inner thigh as he knelt up, trying to keep his eye on it. I couldn't control my breathing rate, watching his lips again so close to mine and his hand there... It was driving me insane.

I lifted my hands and pushed him back off of me. Then, before anything else could happen, I lifted my legs, tucking them into my chest.

"Why is your face red?" Hashirama asked.

"I'm hot." I muttered, keeping my eyes on the ground. "And you're all over me."

"Want me to push you in the river again?"

I continued looking down, saying nothing.

We were silent for a while which was fine with me. I needed the still time to get myself together.

"You know..." Hashirama said, breaking the silence.

A cloud passed over the sky, drowning us in shade.

"It's really fun being around you." He went on. "But it hurts to think about it too much, because I know..."

"That it won't last forever?" I asked.

He nodded. I picked up a stone and tossed it up and down between my legs. Suddenly, he laughed.

"Sorry, for being depressing again."

I lifted the stone and tossed it down, off the overhang we were sitting on and into the river below.

_Thwock!_

I looked around, taking in the scenic view of the slowly rusting trees and the shade moving ever slowly over us, the river, fluffy white clouds, him, me.

"It's always too perfect here." I spoke up. "Almost like it's all just a dream... So different from out there."

He glanced at me. I collapsed onto my back, lying in the bed of flowers, and looked up at the sky.

"Sometimes, I pretend like this is real life and the war is just a nightmare."

Hashirama leaned over me, raising his eyebrows.

"But that's like living in an illusion." He pointed out.

"I wouldn't mind living in an illusion... As long as-"

I cut myself off.

"What?" he asked.

_As long as you're with me._

I shook my head.

"Nothing."

He looked down at me seriously, dark brown eyes piercing into my onyx ones.

"You have to tackle real life head on." he explained. "We're ninja. It's our duty to carry tremendous burdens."

"I know that." I said, closing my eyes.

_But...my arms are tired._

"...I'll carry it for you." He said, seeming to read my mind. "Your pain...your anger...your sadness..."

He reached over softly touching my nose with the tip of his finger. Adrenaline pulsated through my veins, reacting to his touch. The breeze blew across the field coolly.

"I'll carry your world." He whispered.

I grasped his hand with mine and slowly reopened my eyes.

"And... I'll carry yours." I told him.

_That's my problem..._

I sat at the edge of the table listening to the hollow, echoing sound of the wood fountain tapping against the deck, signaling every passing second.

_Now that you're gone, Hashi. I can't hold it alone... I'm failing... I'm failing..._

Mother didn't shed a tear when we brought Father in. She didn't shed a tear when she learned that any of her sons had died, even little Itsuya, but somehow, I expected a reaction out of her for Father. I got none. His departure to the next world was like everyone's. Burned to ashes and then the ashes were spread out in a single, marshy area along with everyone else's. It was a place people went to pray. I despised the stench there and avoided it. But since then, we've all been different. A lot different. Even though it was just two weeks or so ago. Izuna doesn't speak as much. He's more introverted, spending all his time practicing Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, I have no idea what for. Mother has become so frightened of death, so suffocating, we almost have to physically restrain her so that he'll be allowed to go on missions. When it comes to Izuna, if she's become more rigid with him, I've become less so. Often times, on missions, I'd had to force myself to speak up and give orders to people. I couldn't shake the habit of waiting idly for Father to do so...even though it's something I'd been prepped for my entire life.

_Now that you're gone, Father, it's my responsibility to carry the clan's name... But I'm failing... I'm..._

"Madara..."

I looked up from the kitchen table. My food was basically plastic by then, gathering dust for almost two full hours as I went in and out of reality.

My Mother had returned through the back door, carrying a basket of our laundry.

_What the hell do you want now?_

"For some reason, I remembered again." She mentioned as she walked past me. "What did you do with that necklace?"

_The necklace..._

I closed my eyes.

"You hear me? Only give that thing up to the person you're in love with. It's worth more than three full mountains of sugar." My mother had said.

Izuna licked his lips.

"Sugar mountains?! Is there even a such a thing?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Of course not." I said.

My father scoffed.

"If that's the rule you're giving him, he'll _never_ part with the thing. I've seen cattle communicate with females better than that boy." My father remarked toward me.

I looked at the table dismally and said nothing.

_I avoid girls because they all turn out to be loud and controlling... Like mother._

"That's not true." Izuna piped up. "Big brother's got to be the first to get married, right?"

I turned slightly pink.

"I'm just saying, Madara, jewelry _that_ precious is like a wedding engagement..." My mother had reminded me.

"Madara!"

I snapped my head back up. My mother was still standing there propping the laundry basket on her hip.

_What happened? ...What..._

A chill went down my spine. It was the first time I'd ever seen a look of sheer concern on my mother's face directed toward me.

"Did you just fall asleep again?" she asked slowly. "Honey, you-"

I shook my head hard, cutting her off.

"I'm awake." I said, then I stood up and exiting the room. "And the necklace is in good hands. Trust me."

"A love interest?" she asked.

I paused in the doorway. I could feel her eyes burning to my back beseechingly.

"Perhaps..." I admitted. "But that was a long time ago."

_I need to take a bath... That's all... Once I get clean, I can clear my head and turn all of this around._

I headed toward the bedroom I shared with Izuna where he lay on his mat. I knew he wasn't sleeping, just silently listening.

_A bath, that's all... Just need to get there..._

"It's getting kind of chilly suddenly."

"It's because we're near this water."

I dipped my hand into the river.

"But if you touch it, it's not cold."

Hashirama ran up next to me, testing it. Then he breathed, allowing a cloud of air to puff up next to his face.

"You can see my breath." He said. "Try it."

I opened my mouth wide and expelled a breath which quickly exposed itself in the form of a visible cloud. My crystal blue necklace bounced on my chest as we continued breathing out hot air. Unlike the rest of my body, the necklace remained cold. Becoming strangely aware of it, I looked down at it and grasped it between my forefinger and thumb. Hashirama turned, slowly kicking dirt balls as he walked up the bank.

"I guess it's late enough to go home, huh?" He said.

It was dark enough that there were some stars out but the sky wasn't completely dark blue.

"Wait..." I said.

He turned, cocking his head.

"Uhm..."

_Come on, just say it._

"I..."

_Do it._

"I, uh..."

His expression was colored in confusion.

"Your birthday present." I finally forced out.

The confusion turned to surprise.

"You really got me something?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"Nothing important really..."

He walked up to me, beaming.

"Where is it?"

"Close your eyes." I said.

He sighed but obeyed, still grinning in anticipation.

I edged toward him, feeling the hairs on my body raise, among other things... I rubbed my hands together which were getting slightly numb at the tips.

_The temperature dropped so rapidly..._

I watched him standing there perfectly still. Eyes closed tightly but I knew he was listening, feeling out slight disturbances. He would know if I stepped toward him using his propensity for earthy jutsu.

"Are you just going to keep me waiting?"

_Move..._

I forced myself to step toward him, once, twice and then, with my chest only an inch away from him, I reached up, grasped it hanging around my neck, lifted it up over my head and then lowered it down onto his shoulders. But simultaneously, as I lowered it, something pressed me forward. I couldn't help myself. My eyes took in his pink cheeks and his wet lips, red from the cold and I... I kissed him. His lips were soft and cool, just like I expected them to be. A rush of warmth spread through my body, tickling my toes and the tips of my fingers. I pressed against him, enjoying the wonderful push of his lips back onto mine.

_He isn't resisting..._

His hand slid up my neck and into my hair. My body shuddered with his touch.

_Ah... Hashirama..._

My lips parted slightly from pure pleasure and, perhaps by accident or perhaps not, his tongue met mine momentarily. I left my lips parted, thirsting for another taste and his tongue slid back in. The brisk wind lifted our hair and clothes and, startled by it, I found myself waking up. Breaking away.

I stepped back. Hashirama's expression was that of a sheepish nature and then it melted into his usual joking smile.

"That was the present?" he asked giddily.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him, cheeks and ears quickly turning a vibrant shade of red.

"O-Of course not. It was just a distraction!" I said quickly.

He cocked his head, reminded of his own joke.

"Look down."

Slowly, his eyes drifted south, seemingly shocked to find the small blue crystal hanging in the center of his chest. He lifted it up, holding it right in front of his eyes.

"...Really?" he asked, looking at it breathlessly.

The blue reflected in his eyes brightly.

"You said you liked it, didn't you?"

He smiled.

"But...isn't it important?" he asked.

I recalled what my mother said momentarily.

"_...Only give that thing up to the person you're in love with. It's worth more than three full mountains of sugar."_

"Well?" he persisted.

"_...jewelry that precious is like a wedding engagement."_

I blushed again.

"Not really." I finally said.

He caressed it fondly and then nodded.

"Thanks, Mada."

"...Happy Thirteenth Birthday, Hashi."

I turned, stepping out onto the water.

"I'll never take it off!" he shouted to me.

I continued walking feeling completely at peace with how well things had gone.

"Do whatever you want with it." I told him.

As I stepped, water rushed up. My legs were sinking into the river. I turned around, wanting to call out to Hashirama but there was nothing there. Everything had gone dark, my water walking jutsu was failing and I quickly sunk down past the surface. I felt the freezing, coldness of it all pulsating around me. Legs, torso, chest, head.

_...Where am I?_

I felt two hands grab my shoulders and lift me up roughly. I broke through the surface, coughing and sputtering and gasping for air.

_I was choking... Choking on the water... And I hadn't even realized it._

"What are you doing!?"

I wheezed, coughing out my last breath and, shaking, I looked to my right to see Izuna.

_When did I get here?_

I was in the bathtub in our house. Izuna was staring at me with wide eyes. I shrugged out of his grip and sat up, struggling to suppress the coughs trying to come up.

"I was bathing, what do you think?" I struggled to say.

"No..." he whispered.

"Izu, I-" I protested.

"No!" He shouted.

I looked up at him, shocked to see tears slowly making their way down his cheek.

"You were... You were trying to drown yourself."

I felt a cold chill go down my spine.

_I don't even remember getting into the tub... _

I shook my head.

_No, there's no way that I..._

"No, I wasn't."

"You were all the way under!"

"It was an accident!" I yelled back.

"The water's all the way up to the top, Mada!" he pointed out. "Even if you wanted to take _three _baths, you wouldn't fill it up that high."

I looked away from him.

"You have all your clothes on." He pointed out "And this water is freezing!"

_It's... It's not my fault..._

"And the candles were out!" He said.

_I can't control my thoughts anymore..._

"It was dark in here!"

_I'm losing it..._

"You don't understand a damn thing, Izu, so just crawl back to bed and shut the hell up." I muttered.

He jumped at me, grabbing my robe firmly and shoving me back against the wall. The water sloshed up, I choked, spitting out the last bit of water trapped in my lungs.

"I'm not a stupid kid anymore!" he yelled.

I grabbed his hair violently trying to shove him off me but then he punched at me. I barely dodged it. His fist blasted through the wooden wall next to my face, leaving a large gaping hole. He pulled his fist back, bloody, left with probably a dozen splinters and he didn't even blink. In fact, in all of his anger, he had also unknowingly unlocked his Sharingan and he was glaring down at me.

"If you want to kill yourself, I can kill you right now you fucking bastard." He threatened.

I glared right back at him, incidentally unlocking my own Sharingan. The tension was suffocating as one pair of red eyes locked with the other.

"Go ahead then." I said to him. "Kill me."

_I feel dead already anyway._

"Kill me." I repeated.

_Even now... I can't tell if this is real..._

"Do it!" I shouted.

"You think I won't?!" he retorted.

"Of course, you won't! You're a damn, sorry excuse for an Uchiha, you pissant bastard!" I exclaimed.

Ticked off by my insults, he raised his arms and interlocked his fingers. Using chakra, he was able to produce fire that consumed his fists. He called it his "Flame Lock" jutsu and normally, one hit with it sent heads flying. Also blinded by anger, I reacted, going so far as to one handedly weave signs for a fire ball jutsu. We were seconds away from going at it. Seconds away from attacking each other with the intent to kill but then...

_His eyes._

I froze and strangely, he also stopped.

"Mada... Your..." he said.

We stared at each other. He reached out and touched my eyelids.

"Your Sharingan has a strange pattern." He notified me.

"Your eyes, too." I pointed out.

His jerked backwards, half shocked, and leaned over the tub, looking at his reflection in the water. He touched his own eyes.

"What the..."

As I stared down at the water and saw my eyes, the familiarity of the power coursing through me became clear.

_I've had this all along. All along... These eyes... I've had them._

First time Sharingan unlockers normally complain that their eyes feel strained, like their eyebrows are always stressed upwards in an eternal surprised look even though everyone around them claims they look normal. As time passes, the feeling wears off. But with these eyes, this new jutsu... The feeling returned.

_It's been here all this time. And even more than that, there's a strange stress on the brain that's also been here. I didn't even realize it..._

"Since that day..." I whispered, staring down at the numbing, frigid water. "I've had this strange ocular jutsu... I think it might be a variant form, some kind of mutation of the Sharingan."

Izuna looked up at me, surprised.

"You, too." I informed him. "You probably also got it the same time I did."

We both looked back down at the water, watching our reflections.

"It most likely happened when we saw..." I swallowed, unable to get the words out.

A memory was called to the forefront of my mind. I remembered flames higher than the 60 meter high trees, blood and intestines strewn on the grass, tearful, dark eyes fading to stale, gray ones.

"Well, ever since that day, I haven't been able to tell the difference between when I'm awake and when I'm asleep."

His eyebrows rose.

"My dreams are reality and my reality is just like a big on-going dream." I confessed. "I... I think it might be a complication of this variant Sharingan. Some kind of side effect. I keep getting stuck in my past and it's like the present is paused. I can't control it..."

"Madara..." Izuna whispered.

My bottom lip trembled. I could feel the heat pressing behind my eyes and no matter how hard I tried to blink and hold it back, I couldn't stop it. Warm droplets fell into the cold water. I coughed again.

_What if this new power is too much for me and... And my subconscious mind is trying to escape by killing myself? _

As concern for me increased, his stability faltered and his eyes deactivated. Sensing the change, he knelt over the tub and looked at his face again.

"It was only a week ago when Father..." he stopped himself, then began again. "Only last week..."

_I'm not weak. I can carry this alone._

"We'll figure this out together. We can get back to the peace we used to have."

_I _am_ in one piece. I can carry this alone._

"We can-"

I stood up, pulling myself out of Izuna's grip and sloshing water everywhere. He looked up at me with large, frightened eyes. Watching him, Hashirama's face bopped around in my brain and I had to hold onto the side of the sink for dear life not to have my subconscious pull my away again.

"Madara... Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

_I need to stay here. I need to stay awake. Not just for me... But for Izuna. And the clan._

I drained the tub, watching the water swirl down and down. As I watched, my brain pulsated and I saw that my eyes had also deactivated.

_In order to protect Izuna... I cannot be a dreamer._

"I'm going out." I told him. "Don't follow me."

He put a firm hand on my shoulder. I paused. Silence passed between us. Then, with a sigh, he nodded.

"When you come back..." he began.

"I know." I said.

_I better be strong when I return._

As I stumbled outside, I was reeling. Reeling for the final acceptance of my deteriorating grip on reality.

_Is this even real?_

I looked around, again, unable to tell for sure. The trees were large and dark around me. I wandered off into the training woods. It was silent. It was late. Most people were inside, most likely sleeping. I walked a couple steps deeper into the woods and then without any further desire to keep going, I dropped to my knees. My hands eased to my hair and I gripped it.

_What is life without dreams, anyway?_

Hashirama swam into my field of vision again.

_Especially if those dreams are about him._

"_I wouldn't mind living in an illusion."_

I had said that and now I got what I wished for and it's hell... But it's also paradise. I'd never admit it to anyone, not even myself, but I was aching for the taste of his lips and the touch of his soft skin.

_I want to go back and stay there._

And my subconscious was giving me what I wanted. Desperately searching to find a way to stay in my dreams...forever.

"Mada!"

I became rigid.

"What?" I asked. "I thought I told you to leave me alone."

Hashirama neared me anyway. I could feel him grinning.

"You're trying to pee, aren't you?"

"I said go away!"

He sighed.

"Fine..."

I turned slightly, watching him walk a few feet back and then put his hands on his hips.

"And turn around." I ordered.

He made a silly face at me and turned, interlocking his fingers behind his head. I quickly whipped back around, trying to focus my thoughts on relaxing. I was slowly lulled into a sense of security as the monotone drum of liquid hitting the dirt sounded. I finished up, quickly looking over my shoulder to make sure Hashirama was still where he was.

"Okay, I'm finished."

He turned around and came back over to me.

"Finally."

As he neared, I shoved him.

"That's for messing with me."

He laughed, sensing a game, and shoved me back. Then I pushed him again and, taking it a step too far as usual, he dove into me, knocking me off my feet and into a bed of roses. He pinned me on the ground.

"Hashi, get off!" I complained.

He dug his fingers into my sides and poked my ribs. I jerked left and right trying to escape but he had me pinned down pretty good. An uncontrollable bout of laughter burst from my lips.

"Tickle no jutsu." He declared, smirking.

"S-Stop! You know I hate this!"

He ignored my pleas going on with the tickle torture until I forced my hands together and began forming seals.

"I swear I'll burn you to a crisp!" I threatened.

He stopped, prying my hands apart.

"Okay, okay!" he shouted.

I smirked in satisfaction. A breeze wafted through shifting my hair on my forehead. Because of the sun beaming behind him, I squinted, unable to look up at him for long. He moved his head, placing it directly in front of the sun and casting a shade over my face and I realized he was staring at me. Still sitting on top of me, he had an unreadable expression. Then, very slowly, he reached up and stroked my cheek with the back of the index finger on his left hand. My cheeks immediately tinted with color. I quickly thought to protest but stopped myself, unsure of what to say. His fingers moved to my neck and collarbone, tenderly brushing across it. I quickly became aware of a buildup of emotion taking root in my body. There was that feeling again, pushing outward in my pants, growing with each passing second. I shuddered as his fingers moved back across my cheek and into my hair. I could feel myself quickly becoming more aroused by him than ever before. I watched his stationary, unreadable expression as his touch reached my bottom lip, caressing them ever softly. He licked his lips. Suddenly, it was my turn to have the blank expression as he leaned down and kissed me in a single fluid motion.

The pressing in my pants had reached its limit. I doubted it could extend any farther. Hashirama leaned against me. His lips pressed against my mouth, tongue quickly invading. Around the time I began to wonder if he could feel it, I was surprised to feel something pressing into me, too.

_He's getting hard...harder...and harder... _

Rather abruptly, Hashirama raised his head. We gazed at each other again and this time, I was able to speak.

"What are you distracting me from this time?" I asked him.

He blinked a couple times, still lost in translation, and then grinned.

"Nothing really." He said, shrugging sheepishly.

_Hashi... You..._

"Actually, I...think it's better without tricks. Don't you?" he asked me.

I just stared at him, unsure if he was still playing some kind of game. But then his gaze fell to my robe, and he picked at a loose thread on it.

"I kind of just..." he began to blush. "Want to kiss you...if...that's okay."

_This is surreal..._

As he leaned over me, the crystal blue piece on the necklace swung down, swaying back and forth in front of my eyes.

_It has to be a dream._

"You're...serious?" I found myself asking.

He smiled again and worry filled me, it was his playful smile, but oddly, he didn't mock me. Instead, the blush to his cheeks got a bit darker. He swallowed.

"I like doing this with you." He confessed.

I wasn't sure if it was the confession, or one his hands making circles on my chest as he spoke, or reminiscent tension from his kiss but, right then, right after he said that, something happened in my pants. I gasped, pushing him off me.

I glimpsed the spark of shock on his face as he fell backwards, using his hands to quickly prop himself up. My robe got stuck under his leg but I didn't stop crawling backwards, pulling it clean off me. He began to rise but I started backing away again.

"Don't come near me!" I shouted.

"But I-"

"It's not you, it's..."

Even though I didn't finish my sentence, I didn't have to. My eyes gave me away, flicking down to my pants which were protruding in the center with a darkening spot surrounding it. He cocked his head, coming over anyway. I tried to back away again but then my back hit a tree. I turned, looking for another way to escape but then, he was already kneeling before me. He grabbed the tie on my pants, loosening them.

"What are you doing?!"

I started pushing against him violently and trying to shove him away but he was being persistent as usual...and getting too close.

"I don't want to do this!" I yelled at him.

That stopped him. He looked up at me incredulously. I pressed myself to keep talking. Anything to distract him from how excited I had gotten.

"I-I don't want you to touch me anymore." I said, focusing my gaze on the grass.

_What am I saying? That kiss felt amazing..._

"I-I-It's really weird, Hashi..." I went on, backing further away from him. "I want to...go home."

_No... I like doing this. I could do this forever. I... I..._

He rubbed his hands on his pants awkwardly and nodded hard.

"Sorry for making you do something weird." He responded quietly.

_I'm lying. Can't you see, you idiot? Pay attention!_

But he didn't. I quickly got to my feet and walked over to where my robe was still in the grass. Slipping it onto me, I turned and glanced at him. He was still kneeling in the grass, playing with his fingers. I turned, making my way down to the river and across it, sprinting for my home as fast as I could.

We continued to see each other and play together until our fathers discovered of our meeting and forced us apart. All that time, though, we never talked about it again.

_Not a day goes by I don't regret that day, that minute, that decision. _

Kneeling there in the dark forest, I zipped my pants down and reveled in the memory of his lips on my neck, his fingers on my chest, him pressing against me.

_Why couldn't I admit it?! Why couldn't I tell him that I... I..._

Back then, I was hiding. Closing my eyes to reality and shielding myself from the truth because I was scared. Scared of the feelings I was having. Scared of what it meant. And even more than that, scared of what Hashirama would do if he discovered the clear, sticky mess in my pants.

_These daydreams, these illusions are just the manifested form of my regret. _

_I loved him. I was...in love with him. And now... I'll never be able to confess the truth._

I bent over, with one hand holding myself and the other down on the grass. It wasn't long until I was breathing heavily and shuddering, trying to retain the mental image of him in the forefront of my mind.

I was hiding back then. I was a coward back then. I was a fool back then. But had I truly changed?

_Even now, I'm still hiding... Scared of what it means to be leader of the clan. Scared of what it means to not have a father. And even more so frightened of my new power... But..._

I groaned, jolting and gasping. A warm, wet and relaxing feeling shot through my lower body and manifested in a mess that hit the grass in front of me.

_But... I need to be strong. I can't let this overcome me. I can't just turn around and run away anymore. I'm not weak. And I'm not a child._

I sighed, holding on until my breathing steadied and I calmed down. After a couple minutes, I zipped my pants up and stood tall. The wind blew my length hair, which I had let grow past my shoulders and I turned, making my way back into my back yard. There, I saw Izuna training by himself a bit, most likely waiting for me to come back. Noticing me, a relieved smile spread across his face. He waved. Slowly, I raised my own hand.

_I had forgotten my childhood promise but now it's clear. I'm ready to face reality again. I'll redeem myself for running away from Hashirama by never running away again. I'll master this new jutsu. I'll lead the clan like I am expected to. I'll protect my younger brother. I'll carry it all...the pain...the anguish...the burdens. I'll carry my own world. And I hope that, in the process... _

"Izuna, let's practice this new ocular jutsu. Maybe we can find out more about it and its illusion creating capabilities."

"Yeah!"

_I'll become someone that is worthy of carrying _your _world...Hashi._


End file.
